Two Canadians are sitting in a bar getting bored, so they decide to play twenty questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a subject for his friend to guess and, after a little pondering, comes up with "moose cock." He tells his friend he’s ready to play.
"OK," says the second Canadian. "Is it something good to eat?"
The first Canadian thinks for a moment, then laughs and replies, "Sure, I guess you could eat it."
The second Canadian says, "Is it a moose cock?"
Some Other Jokes That Don't Suck
A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner.
He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes,
corn, and two large meaty objects.
"What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "they are, how you say the ... testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides
to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In
fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and
order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty
objects are much smaller.
"What's this?" he asks the waiter.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"No, no," the man objects. "I had cojones yesterday and they were much
bigger than these."
"Si, Senor," replies the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose."
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The others agree that sounds like a nice place.
Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink."
Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place, Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" said the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"
"No," he replied, "but it happened to my sister!"
The Accomodator
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
Wow! I said, I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me! She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! Yeah, I said, just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! Anyway, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself," she giggled....
So I told her to fuck off.
Following a hard day in court, a judge decides to go to the pub. Nine pints and seven whiskies later, he staggers out staggers home. On his way home, he feels sick and throws up all over his suit. Arriving home, he uses his fine legal mind to explain the mess to his wife.
"Some filthy tramp vomited all over me," he moans, and his sympathetic wife makes him a nice cup of tea.
The next day the judge comes home and decides to make his story more convincing. "You'll never guess what?" he says to his wife, "The tramp that threw up on me was in court today. I gave him six months!"
"Well," she replies, "You should have given him a year, because he shit in your pants too."
